yesterday is gone and that’s good..

I have no photos to show you today.  I left the camera down at Mum’s and will get it back tomorrow, so you’ll just have to make do with my words…

Most on my mind today is Lammas or Lughnasadh, it is the first of the three harvest festivals that I and my small band of friends are celebrating ( a week late) and I am supposed to be preparing the little speech I will make tomorrow night when we all gather.  I am getting there but I have my Mum staying with me and it’s difficult getting the head space to sit down and write.  No doubt it will turn out alright on the night and it’s just great that we get together and celebrate once again.

Today has been good.  Yesterday however was a different story. I woke in the night from some nightmare in which I had been trying furiously to call for help and eventually yelled so loud that I woke myself up with the sound of my voice ringing in my ears.

It was all downhill after that and I spent the day so tired and miserable that I could have drowned myself quite happily. Mindfulness and desperately hanging on to hope helped me to get through the day.  I thought that because I had been so well for a couple of weeks that I would continue getting better and better, but no.. I have learned over the years how to measure my level of depression by my crochet performance – on a scale of one granny being the worst depression to 10 being no depression at all, yesterday was a zero granny square day in that it took me all evening to nearly finish one before I discovered I had made a mistake in the first row.

I pulled it apart this morning…

As I said – today has been good.. In fact the polar opposite, so all I can put the misery day down to is the new dosage of my medication – here’s hoping that’s what it is and there will be no repeat 🙂

Speaking of crochet, the pile of squares for my cardigan has grown to 12 small and 1 large, only 16 to go.  I have had to buy more yarn as there is only 75 meters to a ball, it really is gorgeous yarn though.  I really wish I could show you my little crocheted pile of wonderfulness, but it will have to wait.